A lot is said and written about midlife – and it’s sometimes referred to as a crisis. It’s definitely a time of change on many fronts: family, finances, work, career, status, identity, relationships, health, hormones, etc. But is it a crisis? Is it a "time of intense difficulty or danger"? I don't think so. Which is why it’s time to ditch the midlife crisis and embrace the midlife opportunities.
But first, a bit of background.
The term ‘midlife crisis’ was coined by Canadian-born psychologist Elliott Jaques, whose paper “Death and the Mid-life Crisis” was published in the International Journal of Psychoanalysis in 1965. Jaques explored the psychological challenges we face in middle age and suggested it’s a time when we typically confront our own mortality, re-evaluate our life choices and achievements and search for greater meaning – which can sometimes result in drastic life changes or crises.
Although Jaques believed these ‘crises’ could lead to personal growth and, if handled well, result in a more meaningful and authentic life, the word ‘crisis’ stuck and became associated with negative behaviour such as buying flashy cars, having affairs, making radical life changes, feeling depressed and behaving recklessly.
Luckily things have changed. We’re living longer and middle age is now generally seen as a exciting stage of life. A time of rediscovery and self-empowerment. A period of growth and transformation. An opportunity to make changes, redefine our goals and rekindle a sense of purpose. This was confirmed when I put it to the social media test. I asked people to write 1-3 words to describe their midlife and this is what they said:
“Complex, fluctuating and intriguing.” “Calm, freedom, choices.” “Wisdom.” “An awakening.” “Pause, reflect, reset.” “Authentic, aligned, abundant.” “A privilege.” “Hot, emotional, growth.” “Empowering, enlightening, knackering.” “A reboot.” “Chance for change.” “Grateful, reinvent, joy.” “Opportunities.” “Challenging, evolution, liberating.” “My second spring.” “Freed, adventure, love.” “Liberating.” “Enlightening, empowering, daunting.” “Liberating, self-assured, empowerment.” “Awakening.” “Freedom to be.” “Evolution, metamorphosis.” “Challenging, eye opening, evolving.” “Amazing bits and challenging bits.” “Reaping rewards.” “Taking back power.” “Taking less crap.” “Part Two.” There were a few differences of opinion, but on the whole, the response was very positive.
That's why we have to ditch the term 'midlife crisis'. It isn't relevant anymore. Yes, midlife has its challenges, but so does every stage of our life, from infancy all the way through to late adulthood. We’re continuously changing, re-assessing and adapting. It's how we approach these changes - and the words we use to describe them - that makes a difference. If we tell ourselves that something is a crisis, our brains will find evidence to support that and it will become a crisis. It's how our brains are wired. It’s the self-fulfilling prophecy. We get what we focus on. My life isn't perfect but I focus on the positive. On what's going well. And I'm having a wonderful midlife as a result. Truth be told, I'm a lot happier now than I was in my teens and 20s. I trained to be a LifeCoach when I was 57 (because getting a LifeCoach in my 40s whilst I was working in TV production had a very positive impact on my life - read my story here) and I’m enjoying everything about my new career: from helping people go after their dreams and watching them blossom into who they want to be – to getting my head around the challenges of running a business in the digital age and the ongoing learning. I’ve got my work/life balance sussed: I spend time with family and friends, travel, work and have time to enjoy coffee breaks in my garden watching the birds on the feeder. I’ve lost weight (something I was told would be impossible once I hit the menopause) and I'm pursuing my ‘fun’ goals. Case in point: I’ll be singing and dancing in the chorus of my local panto again this year, with a starring role as a snowman. What’s not to like about that? So the way I see it, midlife definitely isn't a crisis. If you put in the long hours at work in your 20s, 30s and 40s and have some financial stability, midlife isn't miserable, it's magical. It's a time to reap the rewards. A wonderful opportunity. And one which should be embraced with gusto. To find out if LifeCoaching could help you live your best midlife, join me for a coffee and free coaching session in Chiswick (or online if that’s easier): https://calendly.com/thelifecoachforyou/lifecoaching-free-taster-session
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